running into walls, OR when your life is your own allegory

okay. so i have had so much in my head lately.... ever since completing the (head-y) MFA -
and: have been feeling stuck in my artmaking. I have been bored (maybe not "bored" but feeling empty) with the performance mode of performer/audience seperation of roles. Performer performs, audience watches. I know I can do it. I do it well. But it is feeling empty. but this information has been making me just want to go take a nap.


so it was such a gift to be invited by Ann to perform The Annunciation at Virginia Tech a few weeks ago. In an environment that encouraged (challenged) me to step beyond the limits of
THIS IS A PERFORMANCE...
THE PERFORMER GOES HERE, THE AUDIENCE SITS THERE.
LIGHTS ON,
PERFORMANCE GO,
LIGHTS OUT,
PERFORMANCE OVER.

But here is my favorite thing that happened.
I ran into a wall.
Literally.
Twice!!!
During the performance - both performances! Same Wall!

Really hard. I could have (or maybe I did.....) given my self a concussion.
(Ann checked my eyes, said they looked ok)

The performance really pushed some boundaries for me of how to engage the audience, how to play with time, engagement, intimacy, "celebrity" -
ANd I am very excited about what happened. I realize I am stepping even further onto the fringes of the dance and performance world. Its bad enough I dance, then I dance and talk, then I get old and refuse to stop dancing, then I reject the marketplace system that has provided my "success" and "getting a gig" life for so long..... and now I am messing with core fundamentals of the relationship between performer and spectator, while still desiring to make meaning and to make it matter.
So I ran into a wall.
twice.
hard.
same wall. and the second time i did it, i was also locked out of the theatre because for some (unknown) reason the door for my entrance was locked and i had to find a new way in...
so here I am - running into walls, getting locked out.... and really excited about what happens next

dance-making as research

Chip and I premiered "The Annunciation" at ADF ten days ago. After the performance I left Durham and drove to Blacksburg to spend time with Ann (Kilkelly thesis advisor) and Carol; and to reconnect with Normando.
To be in the mountains to reflect.
Now I'm at Hollins embarking on the written part of the thesis.
The writing I embark on for these next two weeks will be a reflection on the document of the research. (the dance)

The exploratory part of the research process, the artistic process with its objective to make something: the document of the research - in this case that document being the performance: the performance is the Thesis, the document of my research.

So this is different. This is the reflection on that!

Here's the tricky part, to remember/recall what was that process of that exploration? What were the processes of research? My embodied research process is always very particular.
It involves reading, yes.
It involves seeking out information in dialogue with other people, yes.
It involves thinking through that information, yes.
It involves responding to that information and testing it in relationship to other information.
But its the How that is the embodied practice. The material that is gathered is then deciphered into ideas/actions of the Body: gesture, direction, energy, shape, time, interiority/exteriority, liminality, intent, ephemerality...

I sat down to start my writing by writing about the process. And I realized its all here, in this blog. I like that if I keep this as my process section - the reader goes backward through time.
This way the events (epiphanies, activities, questions) proceed their announcement.
Their annunciation.

Chip's snacking thoughts

I say give 'em a choice:

Angel Food Cake
Devil's Food Cake

-Chip

Nicole snacking thoughts

I like angel food cake. also pomegranates and figs. For some reason almonds come to mind. Makes me wonder if the food should be in a suitcase, like the fuller brush man....
love,
Nicole

snacking

okay y'all! these just in:

first thought
pickels
xodana

Angel-food cake of course!
Kobutsu

snack of the annunciaition

Would love input on this question......
I know there is a Feast of the Annunciation, and I always like to share food at the beginning of a performance. I usually give out oreo cookies. What food/snack might welcome us into this piece? thoughts?

dancing in the magnolias

there was no studio space available today. and i am getting anxious about rehearsing. yesterday the weather took a break from the stifling heat and i found a little sheltered space under two huge. i mean huge magnolias. right near a fountain. so you also get the sound of water. when i couldn't find studio space again today, i went back to the magnolias. of course dancing outside changes everything. and asked of me to "rehearse" differently.
i started scanning the movement for: when does a movement "announce" itself. I also looked at those jump cut transition places between the voices of self and narrator and commentator to see what i could discover about how a transition is an announcement, an announcement of an idea, a new idea. how to get your own attention. how to "ahem" to yourself.
i practiced the mantric chanting of the word annunciation with one of the trees (with its permission hopefully) the tree was kind enough to support me.
the movement changed because of the texture of the ground. of course. i loved the sound of moving through the dead magnolia leaves. they are huge and brown. i was reminded of dancing in the costa rican jungle.
today, it wasn't really an opportunity to rehearse, as in the dance as it is for a stage space. but it was a movement meditation space to explore moments of inquiry.
what are the moments the movement opens a door?
what are the moments the movement finds safety in definition, or finds release in definition, and everything inbetween?.
when does a movement define itself?
i'm really tired. i think i'll take a nap in the bosom of a magnolia tree.
.