So we close today. Today is performance # 4 of 4. A pause in the process. A conclusion of sorts. I hate endings. I have set up my life to just always be moving on so I never have to deal with endings.
Appropriately enough, as usual I dash out of town tomorrow, avoiding "good-byes" as it were.
I always avoid endings, closings, good-byes......
Being 57 combined with endings gets scarier and scarier as I feel closer and closer to the end of my life (though I think I still have a ways to go).
So this show, on its massive, massive scale - in numbers of people on stage, numbers of collaborators, production values, size of audiences, amount of singular focus, props, costumes, lights.... now draws to its close and makes me wonder if I will ever take on a performance at this scale ever again. "Never say never" I remind myself.... but still...
Now I move onto new phases of the work - because it still doesn't feel concluded yet. I want to try and write it for the page.
Whether to be read, to be an interactive experience that combines reading with doing, to be offered as a performance script for others to undertake.... those are all intriguing questions.
Things I want to hold onto:
- the performance ensemble we have created
- collaborating with Chip
- a way of creating a new theatrical genre, as Rupert called it
- being back into my dancing body with confidence
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